Tips for Barack Obama on How to NOT Suck in the Next Debate

Fight Night! (GIF from GifWich)

So, ummmm, the Obama VS. Romney rumble in the mountains (it was in Colorado...get it?) was less a debate than it was two Economics professors arguing about which shade of grey was better. Oh, and one hate's Big Bird...seriously. Clearly, Prof. Romney won the debate and proved that his grey "with a touch of the Dark Side" was superior, but honestly, the trophy looked crappy and if I were Obama I wouldn't be all that upset.

However, if Barack is upset (which getting kicked in the nuts repeatedly can do to a man...I assume that's what he was looking down at all the time...his nuts being kicked) I have created a helpful 3 step plan on how to be better at debates than Mitt Romney.

Step 1: Trust the Internet

First off, the Australian National University has maintained its geocities(?) webpage that describes debate techniques. Here's the concept of rebuttal from said geocities website for Pres. Obama's edification. For interests' sake, here's a quote from that page: "In debating each team will present points in favour of their case. They will also spend some time criticizing the arguments presented by the other team. This is called rebuttal."

Secondly, I recommend, as always, a quick scan of Wikipedia. Their debate wiki can be found here. Again, perhaps a quick quote is of value here: "Debate is a method of interactive and representational argument."

Lastly, go watch previous debates that feature some best practices. Many of my friends like Clinton, and for good reason...for me, I like it a little more old school.

Step 2: Don't Pull Your Punches

Look, Mitt Romney has said some REALLY stupid stuff this election cycle, and it makes no sense to me at all that you wouldn't remind the American people about the kind of man they might vote for. There's even pre-made lists on the internet here! Alternatively, you could take a page out MSNBC's book and maintain a never ending stream of the 47% video.

One way or the other, you can't let Romney just beat you down and not spend at least a little time pointing to his faults as well.

If he's gonna throw down, then you've gotta throw down too!

Step 3: Remember That There's Alot at Stake

Fire in the belly can help anyone make an impassioned argument and convince people of their point of view. If your day to day stumping has started to drain from you your reason you got into the game in the first place, maybe go back and read your last book: The Audacity of Hope (if you follow that link you can buy it used for a PENNY!).  In that book you talked about the need for real tax reform, for better job creation, for an end to wars, for better health care and education. Some of these things you've done, some you have yet to do. But they are no less important today than they were 6 years ago.

If Romney beats you, he will undo so much of the good work you have done. He'll make it harder for poor people to get medical attention. He'll give tax breaks to his friends on the backs of the middle class. He'll probably go to war with Iran. Can you stomach these things happening?

If your answer is no, then you MUST do better. We're not that far from election day, and people have already started to decide who they are voting for. They want a better country, and you can give it to them. Follow these three steps, and maybe you can convince them.

-exit soapbox-

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